I Wanna Be a Good Mom

Tonight my son asked why I couldn't be more fun.  Oh.  Well, gee.  Hm.  Okay, that hurt. 

My first reaction was to defend myself.  What on earth are you talking about?  I am not serious all the time.  I laugh.  I tease you.  I tickle you.  I play with you. 

My second reaction was to be crushed by the realization that I'm a lousy, serious, no fun mom.  I'm hopeless.  Try as I might I will never stop being a self-centered woman who doesn't play with her kids enough.

Finally, I cried, "I wanna be a good mom."  My son cried, "I wanna be a good kid."  And then it hit me.  We can't do it.  Only Christ can do it in us and through us. 

So tomorrow I am not going to try to be a good mom.  I'm going to ask Jesus to be a good mom through me, so my boy and I can have some serious fun.

Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar

Woody Allen said this years ago and I once gave an impromptu speech on this quote. 

Our minds crave completion.  Show someone a picture of disconnected lines and our brains fill in the missing space to see a shape.  We do this with personal experiences, too.  Schacter and Singer's classic experiment showed that people interpreted their body's response to injected adrenalin as either joy or anger depending on what others were expressing around them.  I once behaved just like one of Schacter and Singer's subjects.

I was 17 and had been having unexplained headaches.  The doctor had me go to the hospital for a CT-scan.  The technician told me what to expect and warned me not to move.  I was an explicit, law-abiding kind of gal, so when I began to experience severe itching and difficulty breathing, I did NOT move.  I was in a CT-scan machine, notorious for producing claustrophobic anxiety.  I didn't "feel" scared, but I assumed my anxiety was producing my symptoms.  I worked hard at relaxing and breathing deeply. 

The exam seemed to last hours.  When I was finally allowed to sit up, the technicians laughed and said I'd had a "little" allergic reaction.  They gave me an antihistamine and told me to sit in the waiting area until I felt well enough to go home.  Before leaving the room, the technicians had me look at my face in the mirror.  I couldn't believe what I saw.  My face was so swollen I had five folds of flesh in my cheeks.  I couldn't breathe partly because my cheeks had swelled so that my nostrils were closed.  My eyes were barely visible beneath the puffy skin and my ears were the size of my palms.

When I walked out to the waiting room, my parents didn't recognize me.  When they did realize who I was, they were horrified.  My mother took me to the bathroom where I nearly collapsed.  Afterward I still sat dutifully in the waiting room.  Fortunately, the ER was right next to the CT lab.  An ER doctor saw me and asked me what happened.  He insisted on examining me.  I had hives 12 inches long and my blood pressure was almost non-existent.  I was rushed into emergency and treated for an anaphylactic reaction.  I lost my memory of some events following and was in the hospital for five days recovering.

What's my point, you ask?  We all know people who turn every psychologicalissue into a physical one.  But it's just as likely that people are turning physical problems into psychological ones.  Thousands of people are treated for depression and anxiety disorders that have a physiological basis.  All depression and anxiety disorders have physical symptoms, but some physical disorders have psychological symptoms, too.  If, for example, you're suffering with fatigue, you might not be depressed or stressed.  Maybe you have a thyroid disorder or anemia.  Or, if you're me, you might be pregnant. 

Just remember...sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Out With the Old, In With the New

I have written before that I am on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (see http://breakingtheviciouscycle.info).  The principle behind it is that harmful bacteria proliferate in the gut.  In order to get well, you have to starve the bad bacteria by cutting out certain carbohydrates and by giving your body plenty of good bacteria in the form of yogurt. 

This is a principle for healing in every area of our lives.  Do you want to lose weight?  You can't just cut out the unhealthy, too big portions.  You have to add in nutritious foods in normal portions.  You can't break an addiction to alcohol by avoiding bars and ending friendships with drinkers, unless you also add in healthy habits like going to AA and making friends who are supportive of your dry lifestyle. 

At some level, I believe we all know it isn't just out with the old or in with the new.  It's both!  But cutting off and growing are both parts of life that consume enormous energy and attention and sometimes pain, so we try to get by with just doing one.  Many people with digestive disorders would like to get well by just eating yogurt or acidophilus supplements.  Many people who want to lose weight hope they can just start exercising and keep their old eating habits.  But changing halfway never results in full deliverance.

I can think of old habits I am trying to eliminate without replacing them with new ones.  I can also think of new habits I am trying to add without eliminating the old.  Can you?

There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven...a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build..."                                           Ecclesiastes 3:1-3

All Inclusive

I just returned from vacationing in a fabulous all-inclusive resort.  I was greeted with a glass of champagne and was treated like royalty.  I kept feeling like I needed to sign for something, at least tip!  But no, everything was included in the price that was paid.  That kind of freedom was hard to believe at first, but once I did trust in it, I was overcome with joy!

Jesus says He has gone to prepare a place for us--many mansions!  I know that heaven will be even more fabulous than the resort I just enjoyed.  But heaven, like a great vacation, isn't free.  Someone had to pay the price.  Someone did.  Jesus paid the debt we owed for our sins with His own blood.  The price He paid was all-inclusive.  The sins of our past are covered.  Our current misdeeds and neglected tasks are covered, too.  Even every future failure is covered.  It's hard to believe that all we have to do is trust that our debt has been paid by God's own Son, but it's true.  That knowledge should overwhelm us with joy each and every day. 

All I Need

Today is Thanksgiving.  This morning my son started throwing up and our plans were messed up.  Although I was able to visit family (by taking turns with my husband), I admit to being a little disappointed. 

Tonight I was reading a chapter of Abe Lincoln's biography to the kids.  Abe's favorite cousin, Dennis, and his parents moved to be near him when he was just a boy.  One day his aunt and uncle's cow came down with the trembles.  That meant that the cow's milk was poisonous and they had drunk it.  Abe watched helplessly as his uncle, then his aunt, and finally his dear mother died. 

Here I was grumbling to myself about a minor bout of stomach flu, when people all around the world are losing loved ones to disease.  I was reminded of another humbling story one of our church's seminarians told one Sunday.  He was on a mission trip in South America where he met a woman dying of pancreatic cancer.  He and another missionary led her to the Lord.  She was so happy with her newly found faith and asked to be baptized.  Afterward, the men led her home.  Her "home" was a metal lean-to shack where several people slept.  Her "bed" was on the dirt floor.  A river of sewage flowed by the shack.  When the men were preparing to leave, they asked, "Is there anything you need?"  The woman replied with joy, "I have Jesus.  That's all I need."

On this Thanksgiving Day, I not only thank our generous God and Father, but I humbly ask Him to forgive me for my ungratefulness.  Indeed, I have Jesus.  He's all I need.

Have You Prayed About It?

My husband and I recently finished leading a family Bible study on the life of George Muller.  I can't recommend the biography of his life enough (George Muller: Guardian of Bristol's Orphans by the Benge's available at www.christianbook.com).  George didn't begin life as an upstanding guy.  He was a con artist who happily stole even from his friends.  That was before his encounter with the Holy Spirit.

George went to a worship meeting on a lark and ended up coming to faith in Jesus.  He thought that was wild enough, but then he got the crazy idea to pray on his knees for the money he needed.  His prayer was answered within the hour.  Later, when George answered God's call to start an orphanage, he was sad to discover that no orphans took him up on the free accommodations.  He and his wife, Mary, laughed when they discovered that they had prayed about everything but the orphans to fill the space!  The very next day the orphans arrived.

I know many people who think we shouldn't bother God with our petty concerns.  If you have cancer, they say, pray away!  But if you need a new dress on a limited budget, forget it.  I could argue that God wants us to pray about all our concerns using Scripture, but I think the most potent argument is answered prayer.  When I have asked God for help with the most minor of issues, He has answered!  It's as though He was just waiting.  I tell my kids all the time when they are crying or yelling with frustration, "Please just ask for help!"  I believe our Lord feels the same way.

For months now I have battled a computer problem.  I have called AOL over and over and over again.  I have spent hours of frustration getting new software and installing it, getting mad at my kids when they interrupt my repair attempts and annoyed with my husband for being mad at me about it.  This morning I prayed about it.  This evening I spoke with a technician who immediately fixed the problem.  Coincidence?  I don't think so!  I have seen plaques you can buy that ask, "Have you prayed about it?"  What a good question to ask ourselves each day. 

Happiness Isn't

I was in musicals in high school and I can still sing the number, "Happiness is..." from You're a Good Man Charlie Brown.  I think most of us understand what happiness is.  We have a personal list of what brings us joy.  For me, it's playing with my kids without worrying about the clock.  It's laughing with a friend.  It's talking with my husband about how blessed we are and making plans for the future.  It's breathing in a beautiful day.  It's having time to pursue my hobbies.  It's seeing my kids excited about learning.  It's seeing someone get to know God.

Today I haven't been very happy.  I didn't know why until just now.  I haven't been following the Bible's advice.  I haven't been focusing my thoughts on whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is praiseworthy...  I have been thinking about all the things that are wrong with this world.  Perhaps it's more important to consider what happiness isn't than it is to think about what happiness is.  Happiness isn't thinking about the friend who did you wrong.  It isn't thinking about all the immorality on t.v.  It isn't thinking about how you'll never get caught up.  It isn't thinking about all your sins over and over again. 

I have so many good things in my life to consider.  But Jesus said that I ought to be rejoicing that my name is written in the Book of Life.  Everything else is so small in comparison.  Happiness isn't worrying about tomorrow.  Happiness is found in Him.  So rejoice always!  Again I say rejoice!