Time for Me?

Recently I shared with a group of fine women the title of what used to be one of my favorite books: How to Have More Time for Yourself Every Day.  I loved it.  The book gave me permission to get rid of things and relationships that just didn't "work," so I could have more time for all the things I wanted to do.  That was my goal.  I wanted more time to play piano and do crafts and call friends and exercise and watch TV.  If I could just learn effective time management skills, I could have a lot more time for these things and more! 

But alas, I continued to struggle to efficiently handle my "have to's" so I could devote myself to "want to's."  The reason it wasn't working was because I felt too tired to do laundry every day.  Frankly, gabbing on the phone and reading a favorite book were a lot more appealing.  I almost never had a nice meal planned because I enjoyed watching my soaps and surfing the Web instead.  My room was never tidy and organized because I was working and hey, I wasn't the only one living in there!  Besides, I was called to do more important things than housework.

As I continued to flounder in a sea of disorganization, people would often tell me, "You need more time for yourself!  You do too much.  Slow down and just enjoy."  Yes, that was the problem, I thought.  I am just working so hard for others that I have no time for myself.  If I had more time for me, I would have the energy to control everything else.  So I spent more time on things that made me happy and in the process tore down my house with my own hands.

As a psychologist, I have seen too many families destroyed with these words, "It's time for me now."  Mothers who decide that they are fed up with picking up after everyone and that a divorce with weekends free sounds mighty good.  Dads who get tired of the obligations of family and would rather engage in a more exciting career whether it provides any income or not.  Despite the destructiveness of these words, even those in the Christian leadership often encourage us to make time for ourselves.  I know I've given the same advice.

In discussing my big family, someone suggested that people may be thinking, "Isn't it time for YOU now?"  Oh, I've had plenty of time for me.  It's safe to say my life has been about almost nothing else.  I've done just about everything that people say makes for a good life.  I've been to Europe (as a single woman), I've been to Hawaii, on a cruise, I've been published in a major magazine, I've been on the radio, in the newspaper, on television.  I've even met the First Lady!  And oh wasn't it grand.  In so many ways, I have it all.  In an interview on her generosity to the children of Africa, Oprah related that the joy she experienced in this nearly overwhelmed her.  There is no joy in time for "me" that can compare to the joy in giving time for Him. 

The greatest joy I have ever known is being in God's will for me.  Much of the time the Lord chooses to strengthen me so that I can give to others.   And there is great joy in giving to others!  Whereas I used to seek to do the things I wanted to do, now I seek to want the things I've been called to do.  Even as I am serving, sometimes the Lord, in His love and mercy, gives me time for things that I enjoy.  I just want to praise Him for that!  I am so unworthy and so self-centered.  Yet, He still gives me time for myself.  But if time for me is what I'm seeking first, I will never find it.