I am in the middle of reading Nancy Leigh DeMoss's excellent book, Holiness. It's part of a series of excellent books that also includes Brokenness and Surrender. I am also doing a Bible study on humility by Reb Bradley.
In the last year, the Lord has made my problem with pride clear to me. Pride is much more difficult a foe than I first thought. I was at the gym the other day when I had the following series of thoughts:
You look pretty good. You have kept yourself in pretty good shape for a mother of five.
Ooh! That's not right--that's pride! Really, you don't look good at all. Everything on your body has gone south since you've had kids. Every other woman here looks better than you.
Doh! That's pride, too. Bashing myself means I'm still thinking about my favorite subject -- ME. Okay, okay, I won't think about myself at all.
Hey, I'm doing pretty good! I'm really being humble now. OH NO!! That's STILL pride!
After this psychotic conversation with myself I realized I could not escape pride. It's like a cancer that has permeated every sinew in me. Once again, I realized my need for a Master Surgeon to come and cut this killer out of me. I simply do not have the heart to kill it myself. Oh I love others' admiration. How I love to join people in thinking well of me. And yet when I do, I rob the only One Who deserves glory.
My sweet brother-in-law tells an amusing story about humility. He said he elicited great teasing by telling someone once that he didn't struggle with humility. Humility, he said, came pretty easy to him. My brother-in-law IS a humble man, but true humility never acknowledges itself. If you and I think to ourselves, "Yep, I'm pretty humble," we probably aren't. Praise be to God that He is patient and merciful with us prideful people.
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