Same Lesson, Different Day

It's easy for me to read about the Israelites wandering around in the desert, disobeying God, for forty years and think, "IDIOTS!"  I now believe there were more than a few of them who reached the Promised Land and looked back at the circles they traveled in the sand and thought the same.

Tonight I feel like someone who has been taking her driver's license exam over and over and over and keeps failing.  There are some lessons I just didn't or wouldn't learn.  Being a homeschooling mom gives me cause to marvel at God's patience with me.  But it also, even as I write, helps me to see that I just wasn't at a point in my development to be able to "get it."  God knew that.  He waited and He forgives me.  I may be an idiot, but I'm a forgiven idiot who is very, very loved.

Are you being given the same test over and over?  Pray that the Lord will give you an aha moment so you can pass that test.  When you finally pass, don't be too hard on yourself for all those failures.  Instead, rejoice that you are heading into new territory full of new lessons.

Do you know where you're going?

I'm like most people.  I don't like to think about death.  But sometimes we are forced to consider it.  You or someone you love is sick.  You or someone you love is a lot older.  Someone you love is now lying in a casket.  You ask the big questions.

Most people believe there is a life after death.  Most people would even say that the life after death is called heaven.  But many people don't know for sure that heaven is where they are going.  Why?  Because they believe they have to be good enough to get there.

The truth is, you're not good enough to get there and you will never be good enough, no matter how hard you try.  God says that to enter His heaven you must be perfect.  That's a problem for you and me!  Despite every good intention we have, we cannot keep from sinning and falling short of God's expectations.  God also says that the penalty for sin is death.  What you and I deserve because of our sins is death.  But God also loves us and wants us to be with him forever.  So He had to do something.

God solved our problem by sending His Son Jesus.  He took the form of a man and kept the law perfectly for us.  Even though He did not sin, He took our punishment for sin on the cross.  We cannot even fathom how He suffered for us, nor can we fathom the love that motivated Him to do it. 

The Bible says that if we will confess that we have sinned against God, we will be forgiven.  When we receive the gift of faith in Jesus Christ, we can know that we will go to heaven one day.  Even faith is not something we can achieve, but is a gift from God.  We can ask Him for faith and when we receive it and we know that Jesus died for our sins in our place, we don't have to question whether or not we will live in heaven.  We can trust it!

But what about doing good, you say?  We can't just believe in Jesus and keep on sinning, can we?  Receiving the Holy Spirit through faith in Jesus is what enables us to do good works.  Anything we do in God's name counts!  Anything we do apart from faith in Him, doesn't.  We cannot get to heaven by doing good works, but we show our gratitude for His love by honoring Him with good works.  Those who trust in what Jesus accomplished at the cross will continue to sin, but those sins are no longer counted against us.  That's why it's called the Good News!!!

I highly recommend the book, The Purpose Driven Life, and the movie, the Passion of the Christ.  I am praying that you will put your faith in Jesus Christ and will KNOW where you are going.

  

Rejected

I spent lots of time last night writing an entry only to have my Internet service shut down.  My entry was rejected so I just gave up.

Isn't that so often how it is in relationships?  We feel someone has rejected us and we just quit trying to be loved.  Sometimes though, we haven't been rejected at all.  It just feels like we have.  Rejection can become a pair of glasses that filters everything we see in our relationships.  A phone call returned later than expected, a gift not received, an invitation not extended, a word that seemed critical.  All of these confirm our belief that we are not loveable.

Most of the time we get our rejection complex from our parents.  We need approval and love from our parents so badly and when we don't get it, we are devastated.  We can wander through life as unfulfilled children, looking for what we didn't get.  Our failure to get our birthright of love and approval can produce a form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Anything in relationships that reminds us of our parents' rejection can provoke dramatic responses. 

If we cannot let go of a hurt or if others say we are overreacting, we need to ask ourselves if our former loss has come into play.  If you have been blessed by God to have had loving parents, you may still come face to face with rejection issues.  Have you ever had someone become enraged at some imagined slight or refuse to forgive you for something you didn't even realize was wrong in their eyes?  If so, you may be dealing with someone who has rejection issues.  Apologizing and assuring the injured party of your love may not be enough to resolve the problem.  Instead, tell them that their response to what you did or didn't do seems more intense than necessary.  Ask them if their parents gave them confidence that they were loved and approved of.  If not, gently suggest they seek help from a Christian counselor.  Sometimes, the person with rejection issues isn't you, and it isn't someone accusing you, it's someone accusing someone else.  If someone is being made out to be the devil himself, beware.  The accuser is likely someone with rejection issues.

This subject is so important because if we don't recognize rejection issues for what they are, we can easily be misled.  Marriages, friendships, and even entire churches have been destroyed because of someone who is acting out their hurts from childhood.  But there is good that can come from recognizing the real problem.  God can meet the unmet needs even in adulthood.  Jesus knows exactly what it feels like to be rejected.  He understands!  He loves you and He approves of you.  He can heal the hurts even when it seems impossible.  Just ask Him.

How Many Wives Does it Take to Change a Husband?

I am in awe of the changes I have seen in my husband over the past 14 years I've known him. 

The man who attended church on a few major holidays is now there every Sunday ushering and even leading an adult Bible study. 

The man who told me it was amazing how little our lives had changed after the birth of our first child (because HIS life really had changed little), is now a doting father of five. 

The man whose temper would flare at the drop of a hat (who threw that hat down anyway?) is finding peace in the face of pressure.

God has allowed me to see the changes in my husband and has even been gracious enough to let me believe I had something to do with it!  These are the means of changing my husband I have tried to no avail:  screaming, threatening, controlling, analyzing, guilt tripping, double teaming, pouting, crying, ignoring, self-righteousness, temper tantrums, apathy, silent treatment, self-destructiveness, nagging, shaming, bibliotherapy (leaving books and tapes around or insisting he read/listen to them), debating and slandering him. 

If you are considering using any of these approaches to change your husband, save your time and energy.  They DO NOT work.  Oh, they might work for a little while, but when he reverts to his former behavior you have an even bigger problem on your hands.  He's more resistant to change and you're even madder! 

I thought I understood that God wanted me to focus on our own need for change, our own sinfulness.  But clearly when the problem was SO much bigger with my mate and when my sin was really only a RESPONSE to his, God wouldn't mind if I helped him out.  Turns out, He minded.  How could it have been that my pride was contributing to all of this?  The worse I made my husband feel, the worse he behaved. 

I don't even know if I can explain how the Lord has changed me, but I will try.  I have come to realize that God is allowing me to have a husband who struggles in the ways he struggles.  It is part of the Lord's path for me; it's not a side trip.  He has shown me how trusting the Lord to work through my husband is the means to peace and joy like I have never known.  "But he's not....and he is so...and and and."  I know all of the endings to those sentences.  But God is writing this story and I need to stay in character. 

I've alwaysthought that God made me (or was trying to tell me I was) inferior to men.  Now I understand that I have all of these wonderful gifts that my husband doesn't have.  I'm not better or worse; I'm complementary.  I'm supposed to be a helper to my husband.  Yes, he is the leader in our home.  I can resent that or rest in it. If he makes the wrong decision, I am not help responsible!  Hallelujah!  All I have to do is help and offer my opinion when asked (ONCE) and pray for my husband. 

It's late and I'm rambling.  If you are interested in more on this subject, I highly recommend the book On the Other Side of the Garden by Virginia Fugate.    The answer to How Many Wives Does it Take to Change a Husband? is One.  One wife who is willing to be changed by the same Holy Spirit who will change her man if she will just get out of the way.

Coming Apart at the Seams

Yesterday during my morning workout, I had one of those weird things happen to me.  I had my arms behind me resting on an exercise ball and was doing tricep dips.  If an instructor ever asks you to do this, don't!  I didn't like this exercise the last two times I did it.  This time I shouldn't have done it at all.  Suddenly I felt a POP and a severe pain.  I clutched my chest and was crawling around the floor.  People assumed I was having a different kind of chest pain.  I knew it wasn't my heart.  I felt like I was a chicken carcass that had been cracked open.

Believe it or not, I kept working out for a while.  I was fine until I put pressure on my chest muscles.  I knew I needed to leave.  Turns out I've separated the cartilage connecting my ribs to my breastbone.  I'm pretty sure the breastbone is connected to the wishbone.  I'm also pretty sure I got the short end of it when it broke.  After spending all morning trying to get someone to see me ("Uh, we just do backs and necks"), I was told what I'd already learned on the Internet.  There was nothing to do but rest and wait for it to heal.

When my dh spent the day at the ballgame, golfing, and dining out with his buddy, I was pretty sure it was the wish bone I'd irritated.  I WISHed he would come home and help me.  When my 2yo peed on the kitchen table and dug into leftover birthday cake, I WISHed I could just jump in the tub and the nanny would put the kids to bed.   She's been noticeably absent by the way.

Turns out I got one of my wishes.  I've been wishing my dh would buy me roses for the longest time.  Well, when he realized how he'd left me in a predicament (yes, I helped him figure this out), he bought me a dozen roses.  Doesn't God work in mysterious ways?