All I Need

Today is Thanksgiving.  This morning my son started throwing up and our plans were messed up.  Although I was able to visit family (by taking turns with my husband), I admit to being a little disappointed. 

Tonight I was reading a chapter of Abe Lincoln's biography to the kids.  Abe's favorite cousin, Dennis, and his parents moved to be near him when he was just a boy.  One day his aunt and uncle's cow came down with the trembles.  That meant that the cow's milk was poisonous and they had drunk it.  Abe watched helplessly as his uncle, then his aunt, and finally his dear mother died. 

Here I was grumbling to myself about a minor bout of stomach flu, when people all around the world are losing loved ones to disease.  I was reminded of another humbling story one of our church's seminarians told one Sunday.  He was on a mission trip in South America where he met a woman dying of pancreatic cancer.  He and another missionary led her to the Lord.  She was so happy with her newly found faith and asked to be baptized.  Afterward, the men led her home.  Her "home" was a metal lean-to shack where several people slept.  Her "bed" was on the dirt floor.  A river of sewage flowed by the shack.  When the men were preparing to leave, they asked, "Is there anything you need?"  The woman replied with joy, "I have Jesus.  That's all I need."

On this Thanksgiving Day, I not only thank our generous God and Father, but I humbly ask Him to forgive me for my ungratefulness.  Indeed, I have Jesus.  He's all I need.

Have You Prayed About It?

My husband and I recently finished leading a family Bible study on the life of George Muller.  I can't recommend the biography of his life enough (George Muller: Guardian of Bristol's Orphans by the Benge's available at www.christianbook.com).  George didn't begin life as an upstanding guy.  He was a con artist who happily stole even from his friends.  That was before his encounter with the Holy Spirit.

George went to a worship meeting on a lark and ended up coming to faith in Jesus.  He thought that was wild enough, but then he got the crazy idea to pray on his knees for the money he needed.  His prayer was answered within the hour.  Later, when George answered God's call to start an orphanage, he was sad to discover that no orphans took him up on the free accommodations.  He and his wife, Mary, laughed when they discovered that they had prayed about everything but the orphans to fill the space!  The very next day the orphans arrived.

I know many people who think we shouldn't bother God with our petty concerns.  If you have cancer, they say, pray away!  But if you need a new dress on a limited budget, forget it.  I could argue that God wants us to pray about all our concerns using Scripture, but I think the most potent argument is answered prayer.  When I have asked God for help with the most minor of issues, He has answered!  It's as though He was just waiting.  I tell my kids all the time when they are crying or yelling with frustration, "Please just ask for help!"  I believe our Lord feels the same way.

For months now I have battled a computer problem.  I have called AOL over and over and over again.  I have spent hours of frustration getting new software and installing it, getting mad at my kids when they interrupt my repair attempts and annoyed with my husband for being mad at me about it.  This morning I prayed about it.  This evening I spoke with a technician who immediately fixed the problem.  Coincidence?  I don't think so!  I have seen plaques you can buy that ask, "Have you prayed about it?"  What a good question to ask ourselves each day. 

Happiness Isn't

I was in musicals in high school and I can still sing the number, "Happiness is..." from You're a Good Man Charlie Brown.  I think most of us understand what happiness is.  We have a personal list of what brings us joy.  For me, it's playing with my kids without worrying about the clock.  It's laughing with a friend.  It's talking with my husband about how blessed we are and making plans for the future.  It's breathing in a beautiful day.  It's having time to pursue my hobbies.  It's seeing my kids excited about learning.  It's seeing someone get to know God.

Today I haven't been very happy.  I didn't know why until just now.  I haven't been following the Bible's advice.  I haven't been focusing my thoughts on whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is praiseworthy...  I have been thinking about all the things that are wrong with this world.  Perhaps it's more important to consider what happiness isn't than it is to think about what happiness is.  Happiness isn't thinking about the friend who did you wrong.  It isn't thinking about all the immorality on t.v.  It isn't thinking about how you'll never get caught up.  It isn't thinking about all your sins over and over again. 

I have so many good things in my life to consider.  But Jesus said that I ought to be rejoicing that my name is written in the Book of Life.  Everything else is so small in comparison.  Happiness isn't worrying about tomorrow.  Happiness is found in Him.  So rejoice always!  Again I say rejoice! 

Same Lesson, Different Day

It's easy for me to read about the Israelites wandering around in the desert, disobeying God, for forty years and think, "IDIOTS!"  I now believe there were more than a few of them who reached the Promised Land and looked back at the circles they traveled in the sand and thought the same.

Tonight I feel like someone who has been taking her driver's license exam over and over and over and keeps failing.  There are some lessons I just didn't or wouldn't learn.  Being a homeschooling mom gives me cause to marvel at God's patience with me.  But it also, even as I write, helps me to see that I just wasn't at a point in my development to be able to "get it."  God knew that.  He waited and He forgives me.  I may be an idiot, but I'm a forgiven idiot who is very, very loved.

Are you being given the same test over and over?  Pray that the Lord will give you an aha moment so you can pass that test.  When you finally pass, don't be too hard on yourself for all those failures.  Instead, rejoice that you are heading into new territory full of new lessons.

Do you know where you're going?

I'm like most people.  I don't like to think about death.  But sometimes we are forced to consider it.  You or someone you love is sick.  You or someone you love is a lot older.  Someone you love is now lying in a casket.  You ask the big questions.

Most people believe there is a life after death.  Most people would even say that the life after death is called heaven.  But many people don't know for sure that heaven is where they are going.  Why?  Because they believe they have to be good enough to get there.

The truth is, you're not good enough to get there and you will never be good enough, no matter how hard you try.  God says that to enter His heaven you must be perfect.  That's a problem for you and me!  Despite every good intention we have, we cannot keep from sinning and falling short of God's expectations.  God also says that the penalty for sin is death.  What you and I deserve because of our sins is death.  But God also loves us and wants us to be with him forever.  So He had to do something.

God solved our problem by sending His Son Jesus.  He took the form of a man and kept the law perfectly for us.  Even though He did not sin, He took our punishment for sin on the cross.  We cannot even fathom how He suffered for us, nor can we fathom the love that motivated Him to do it. 

The Bible says that if we will confess that we have sinned against God, we will be forgiven.  When we receive the gift of faith in Jesus Christ, we can know that we will go to heaven one day.  Even faith is not something we can achieve, but is a gift from God.  We can ask Him for faith and when we receive it and we know that Jesus died for our sins in our place, we don't have to question whether or not we will live in heaven.  We can trust it!

But what about doing good, you say?  We can't just believe in Jesus and keep on sinning, can we?  Receiving the Holy Spirit through faith in Jesus is what enables us to do good works.  Anything we do in God's name counts!  Anything we do apart from faith in Him, doesn't.  We cannot get to heaven by doing good works, but we show our gratitude for His love by honoring Him with good works.  Those who trust in what Jesus accomplished at the cross will continue to sin, but those sins are no longer counted against us.  That's why it's called the Good News!!!

I highly recommend the book, The Purpose Driven Life, and the movie, the Passion of the Christ.  I am praying that you will put your faith in Jesus Christ and will KNOW where you are going.

  

Rejected

I spent lots of time last night writing an entry only to have my Internet service shut down.  My entry was rejected so I just gave up.

Isn't that so often how it is in relationships?  We feel someone has rejected us and we just quit trying to be loved.  Sometimes though, we haven't been rejected at all.  It just feels like we have.  Rejection can become a pair of glasses that filters everything we see in our relationships.  A phone call returned later than expected, a gift not received, an invitation not extended, a word that seemed critical.  All of these confirm our belief that we are not loveable.

Most of the time we get our rejection complex from our parents.  We need approval and love from our parents so badly and when we don't get it, we are devastated.  We can wander through life as unfulfilled children, looking for what we didn't get.  Our failure to get our birthright of love and approval can produce a form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Anything in relationships that reminds us of our parents' rejection can provoke dramatic responses. 

If we cannot let go of a hurt or if others say we are overreacting, we need to ask ourselves if our former loss has come into play.  If you have been blessed by God to have had loving parents, you may still come face to face with rejection issues.  Have you ever had someone become enraged at some imagined slight or refuse to forgive you for something you didn't even realize was wrong in their eyes?  If so, you may be dealing with someone who has rejection issues.  Apologizing and assuring the injured party of your love may not be enough to resolve the problem.  Instead, tell them that their response to what you did or didn't do seems more intense than necessary.  Ask them if their parents gave them confidence that they were loved and approved of.  If not, gently suggest they seek help from a Christian counselor.  Sometimes, the person with rejection issues isn't you, and it isn't someone accusing you, it's someone accusing someone else.  If someone is being made out to be the devil himself, beware.  The accuser is likely someone with rejection issues.

This subject is so important because if we don't recognize rejection issues for what they are, we can easily be misled.  Marriages, friendships, and even entire churches have been destroyed because of someone who is acting out their hurts from childhood.  But there is good that can come from recognizing the real problem.  God can meet the unmet needs even in adulthood.  Jesus knows exactly what it feels like to be rejected.  He understands!  He loves you and He approves of you.  He can heal the hurts even when it seems impossible.  Just ask Him.

How Many Wives Does it Take to Change a Husband?

I am in awe of the changes I have seen in my husband over the past 14 years I've known him. 

The man who attended church on a few major holidays is now there every Sunday ushering and even leading an adult Bible study. 

The man who told me it was amazing how little our lives had changed after the birth of our first child (because HIS life really had changed little), is now a doting father of five. 

The man whose temper would flare at the drop of a hat (who threw that hat down anyway?) is finding peace in the face of pressure.

God has allowed me to see the changes in my husband and has even been gracious enough to let me believe I had something to do with it!  These are the means of changing my husband I have tried to no avail:  screaming, threatening, controlling, analyzing, guilt tripping, double teaming, pouting, crying, ignoring, self-righteousness, temper tantrums, apathy, silent treatment, self-destructiveness, nagging, shaming, bibliotherapy (leaving books and tapes around or insisting he read/listen to them), debating and slandering him. 

If you are considering using any of these approaches to change your husband, save your time and energy.  They DO NOT work.  Oh, they might work for a little while, but when he reverts to his former behavior you have an even bigger problem on your hands.  He's more resistant to change and you're even madder! 

I thought I understood that God wanted me to focus on our own need for change, our own sinfulness.  But clearly when the problem was SO much bigger with my mate and when my sin was really only a RESPONSE to his, God wouldn't mind if I helped him out.  Turns out, He minded.  How could it have been that my pride was contributing to all of this?  The worse I made my husband feel, the worse he behaved. 

I don't even know if I can explain how the Lord has changed me, but I will try.  I have come to realize that God is allowing me to have a husband who struggles in the ways he struggles.  It is part of the Lord's path for me; it's not a side trip.  He has shown me how trusting the Lord to work through my husband is the means to peace and joy like I have never known.  "But he's not....and he is so...and and and."  I know all of the endings to those sentences.  But God is writing this story and I need to stay in character. 

I've alwaysthought that God made me (or was trying to tell me I was) inferior to men.  Now I understand that I have all of these wonderful gifts that my husband doesn't have.  I'm not better or worse; I'm complementary.  I'm supposed to be a helper to my husband.  Yes, he is the leader in our home.  I can resent that or rest in it. If he makes the wrong decision, I am not help responsible!  Hallelujah!  All I have to do is help and offer my opinion when asked (ONCE) and pray for my husband. 

It's late and I'm rambling.  If you are interested in more on this subject, I highly recommend the book On the Other Side of the Garden by Virginia Fugate.    The answer to How Many Wives Does it Take to Change a Husband? is One.  One wife who is willing to be changed by the same Holy Spirit who will change her man if she will just get out of the way.

Coming Apart at the Seams

Yesterday during my morning workout, I had one of those weird things happen to me.  I had my arms behind me resting on an exercise ball and was doing tricep dips.  If an instructor ever asks you to do this, don't!  I didn't like this exercise the last two times I did it.  This time I shouldn't have done it at all.  Suddenly I felt a POP and a severe pain.  I clutched my chest and was crawling around the floor.  People assumed I was having a different kind of chest pain.  I knew it wasn't my heart.  I felt like I was a chicken carcass that had been cracked open.

Believe it or not, I kept working out for a while.  I was fine until I put pressure on my chest muscles.  I knew I needed to leave.  Turns out I've separated the cartilage connecting my ribs to my breastbone.  I'm pretty sure the breastbone is connected to the wishbone.  I'm also pretty sure I got the short end of it when it broke.  After spending all morning trying to get someone to see me ("Uh, we just do backs and necks"), I was told what I'd already learned on the Internet.  There was nothing to do but rest and wait for it to heal.

When my dh spent the day at the ballgame, golfing, and dining out with his buddy, I was pretty sure it was the wish bone I'd irritated.  I WISHed he would come home and help me.  When my 2yo peed on the kitchen table and dug into leftover birthday cake, I WISHed I could just jump in the tub and the nanny would put the kids to bed.   She's been noticeably absent by the way.

Turns out I got one of my wishes.  I've been wishing my dh would buy me roses for the longest time.  Well, when he realized how he'd left me in a predicament (yes, I helped him figure this out), he bought me a dozen roses.  Doesn't God work in mysterious ways?

Someday

It's been a while since my last entry because I've come down with a bad case of Someday-itis.  The symptoms?  An inability to focus, mental fog, and lethargy.  The patient deliriously repeats "Someday I'll catch up, Someday I'll have time for that, Someday, Someday." 

The cure?  The "Do-It-Now" shot in the arm.  I love Don Aslett's book, How to Handle 1,000 Things at Once.  He argues that you'll never have more free time than you have right now.  As we get older, we have less and less.  Having observed several retired people's frantic pace, I'm inclined to agree!  Even if we DO have more free time as we age, the likelihood that we will use that time for what we've dreamed of becomes less and less.  Are you waiting to finally LIVE in retirement?  My dad did that.  He hated working and was so unhappy with his life.  When he finally retired, he was beside himself with joy.  Just a couple years into his retirement, though, he developed lung disease and couldn't do any of the things he promised to do "Someday."

I'm a very busy mom.  Obviously, I don't have time to take piano lessons or play in a tennis leage, right?  Rather than succumb to Someday-itis,  I took Mr. Aslett's advice to heart and started taking piano lessons and playing tennis with my sisters-in-law.  I cannot even tell you how glad I am that I didn't wait!  Playing piano has become an enormous source of stress relief for me.  It has inspired a love of music in my children and has reawakened mine.  Playing tennis has been a fun way to grow closer to the women in my family. 

What would you like to do that you have been putting off?  What if Someday never comes?  What if you never have more free time than you do today?  Think and pray about making your Someday Today!

What I Wish I'd Never Been Taught

As a little girl, I heard the Bible stories my mama told me and I said my prayers.  God gave me the gift of faith and I believed everything I'd heard.  I believed heaven was such a wonderful place that I sat myself down in the middle of a busy road hoping to go there right away! 

After first grade, my parents stopped going to church.  I did attend church with another family fairly regularly.  I cannot remember who they were.  How I wish I could so I could thank them!  By the time I was in junior high, though, I was no longer attending church.  I was also being taught that the earth was formed billions of years ago in some kind of cosmic accident.  I had evolved from some single-celled organism, I learned. 

I still believed in God so I figured that God had used evolution to make us.  I didn't know the Bible at all.  I had never read it for myself nor was it read in my home.  I decided that it wasn't my problem to figure out how both creation and evolution could be true.  I held to that view well after I'd become a staff member at a Bible-believing church. 

Only when I watched a video lecture on dinosaurs and the Bible delivered by Ken Ham, did I come to understand that God's Word really was true--all of it.  My eyes were opened and I realized that it takes more faith to believe in the theory of evolution than it does in our Creator, God.  I am now reading a wonderful book by Ken Ham called, "Why Won't They Listen?"  In it, he argues that people do not accept the gospel of Jesus Christ as our risen Savior, because the foundation is not there.  They don't believe in a God who created the world in six days.  They don't believe that Adam and Eve really lived and sinned and caused the death and destruction we currently see.  Without those foundational beliefs, they cannot accept the idea that Jesus Christ was required to be sacrificed for our sins.

Answers in Genesis is an incredible ministry that teaches science from a creationist and Biblical view.  They are in the process of building a fabulous creation museum.  Please check out their website and consider ordering their materials.  (www.answersingenesis.org).  God's blessings to you!!

What's For Dinner?

Meal planning has always been a challenge for me.  I am the type who used to run in a panic to find something to eat when it was well past dinner time.  FLYLady's approach to planning meals once a week (I know that's obvious to all you Born Organized people!) helped tremendously.  But it was still a task I dreaded.

My children aren't the most adventuresome eaters for one.  My next problem arose when I started the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD) in 2001.  (See www.breakingtheviciouscycle.info for more information).  Before I knew what was happening I was making 3 different meals for dinner.  Making lunches was a huge challenge, too, because I couldn't just have the convenience foods (e.g., tuna sandwich) I was used to eating. 

I knew I needed a system, but the SCD doesn't offer anything other than unorganized recipes and cookbooks.  I was in the process of trying to put some kind of meal plan in place for my family when my girlfriend mentioned to me she was making dinner out of the book Saving Dinner.  I was surprised that I could have all of the ingredients!  I heard of Ms. Ely's book and Menu Mailers many times on the FLYLady website (www.FLYLady.net), but ignored it thinking there was no way my health problems would permit me to eat those foods.  My friend advised me to check out the free Low Carb Menu Mailer at www.SavingDinner.com.  That's just what I did. 

Can I just say that I am THRILLED????  The Lord has surely answered my prayers through this menu planning system.  With a few simple substitutions such as nut flour for corn starch, I now have a week's worth of menu's planned out for me.  I have the shopping list and it's seasonal!  I have one crockpot meal per week and another meal that I can make multiples of for the freezer.  (If you are interested in learning more about cooking in batches, buy the book Mega Cooking by Jill Bond)  My husband is ecstatic that I am making him wonderful home-cooked meals.  I throw him a carb (rather than a bone) side dish and he's even happier.  I think it won't be long before my kids are eating the same way.

Praise the Lord!  Taste and see that He is good.

Thief in the Night

Last night I heard noises outside.  I was having trouble sleeping and was feeling skittish thinking someone might be trying to break in.  Eventually I fell asleep. 

This evening there were 3 people outside my door with long faces.  There had indeed been a thief in the night, but his name was Death and he took their father's life.  My dear sweet neighbor--only 63--is gone now.  We've known him such a short time.  He moved here this spring and was so kind to us.  He offered to pay my oldest son to take his papers up to his house when he was gone on weekends.  He helped my husband trim tree branches.  He offered to have my family visit his farm.  He brought his female companion of 15 years over to see our baby when she was visiting him. 

He waved to me this week.  I remember thinking what a nice man he was.  Now he is gone.  I wish I knew if he is with the Lord.  I hope so.  I wish I had taken more time to talk with him and get to know him.  I could have asked him about his faith.

Last week a thief stole my husband's wallet from his vehicle outside our house.  I have been thinking about having security lights installed.  This week a thief stole my neighbor's life.  It's time I started thinking about the security my loved ones need...security that can only be found in Jesus Christ.

Clean!

Today two housekeepers cleaned my house.  I was gone with all 5 kids for most of the day and returned to CLEAN.  I was thinking how wonderful it is to have someone else clean for you.  Then I was thinking that being clean COSTS.  It certainly isn't free to be clean!

This is so like our hearts.  I can try and try to clean my heart myself, but how wonderful and freeing it is to have my heart cleaned for me.  Jesus did that, but it cost Him his life.  As thankful I am for a clean house today, my joy cannot compare to having a heart cleaned by the Master cleaner.

Breaking in a New School Year

Today I started implementing the new schedule that I've spent countless hours putting together.  I was using the MOTH approach ala www.titus2.com.  I was utterly amazed at how some of it came together.  For example, I had no idea exactly what my baby girl's schedule was.  I just guessed at it.  This morning she took a nap at exactly 11:00 a.m. as scheduled.  Maybe she read it? 

My 2-year-old apparently did NOT read the new schedule.  Mommy was excited to have "toddler time" using all the great materials she's collected over the years and severely under used.  The toddler had his own ideas for how to use that time.  UGH.  I should have let him direct that time, right?  I will keep options available, but will let him choose. 

I am sorry to say that I lost my temper today.  Between repeated temper tantrums, the usual fighting between the middle boys, and my oldest insisting on playing with his eyelid skin (this is akin to scratching a chalkboard to me), I had had it. 

But I was recharged when my niece arrived to watch the kids for my first errand day.  I shopped...for ME!  I bought some non-frumpy clothes and I was delighted.  I also decided to refill my gas tank every Monday.  What I've done in the past is put it off until I can enjoy the heart-pounding thrill of wondering if I will arrive at the pump on fumes.  :-) 

Somehow I have to wonder how God endures so patiently with me.  Here I am with my neat little schedule and my plans and expectations.  And He's waiting there for me to acknowledge that HE has a schedule and plans and expectations for me and they don't necessarily mesh with mine.  I used to think that when Jesus said that love was laying down your life for a brother that I was glad I hadn't been called to do that!  I haven't rescued anyone from a burning building lately.  But I was wrong.  I am called to lay down my life every day.  I am off to lay me down to sleep now and prepare for school day #2.

Not Too Busy!

The last couple of summers I have spent a good chunk of time working on my schedule and organizing for the upcoming school year.  I had high hopes of having a summer of preparation this year, too.  My summer wasn't anything like I anticipated. I have never found enough kid-controlled time to get ready for another year--at least never what I considered to be enough.  As a result, I've told everyone I've talked to that this summer has been TOO busy.  We've had Cub Scout Camp and VBS and camping and water parks and movies and theme parks and lake weekends and baseball and piano lessons and tennis lessons and zoo outings...you get the picture. 

In thinking about this I've realized what a negative spin I've put on my summer.  The more I think of it as "too busy," the more overwhelmed I feel.  Truth is we have had a LOT of fun this summer.  Is it possible to have too much fun?  I think of that country song that describes the cop writing a ticket for the boy having too much fun.  Like the singer, I don't think that's possible!  I've had a wonderful summer.  If I haven't had the time I've wanted to prepare for school, it's because I have been waiting for TOO much time to fall in my lap.  So now I'm preparing 15 minutes at a time FLY-Lady style.  And I've made a commitment.  I'm going to do my best to stop saying how "busy" I am and instead talk about how blessed I am!

 

Frustration and Joy

Tonight I am wondering how on earth I can feel so frustrated during part of the day and so joyful during another.  Every time I sat down to eat or get online or play a game with the kids, there was a 2yo screaming to sit on the potty (he never goes), a 4yo crying for a drink or snack, a 6yo complaining about the 4yo, an 8yo aggravating my niece, or a baby fussing over a dirty diaper.  I wonder how on earth I can keep doing this.  I wonder how I will be able to keep a full homeschooling schedule! 

Somehow I realize that I won't be able to do this alone.  I have no power to organize.  I have no self-discipline.  I have no desire to put my children and family first.  I will have to let Jesus do it all for me. 

At the end of the day, I wonder what my problem was!  It doesn't matter if I get everything done perfectly or "on time."  None of the toys on the floor or the piles of papers waiting to be filed or the pictures waiting for albums is going to last.  The only thing I'm taking with me are these children and this husband of mine.  God hired me to love them.  That's not so hard.  At least not while they're asleep.