Rejected

I spent lots of time last night writing an entry only to have my Internet service shut down.  My entry was rejected so I just gave up.

Isn't that so often how it is in relationships?  We feel someone has rejected us and we just quit trying to be loved.  Sometimes though, we haven't been rejected at all.  It just feels like we have.  Rejection can become a pair of glasses that filters everything we see in our relationships.  A phone call returned later than expected, a gift not received, an invitation not extended, a word that seemed critical.  All of these confirm our belief that we are not loveable.

Most of the time we get our rejection complex from our parents.  We need approval and love from our parents so badly and when we don't get it, we are devastated.  We can wander through life as unfulfilled children, looking for what we didn't get.  Our failure to get our birthright of love and approval can produce a form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Anything in relationships that reminds us of our parents' rejection can provoke dramatic responses. 

If we cannot let go of a hurt or if others say we are overreacting, we need to ask ourselves if our former loss has come into play.  If you have been blessed by God to have had loving parents, you may still come face to face with rejection issues.  Have you ever had someone become enraged at some imagined slight or refuse to forgive you for something you didn't even realize was wrong in their eyes?  If so, you may be dealing with someone who has rejection issues.  Apologizing and assuring the injured party of your love may not be enough to resolve the problem.  Instead, tell them that their response to what you did or didn't do seems more intense than necessary.  Ask them if their parents gave them confidence that they were loved and approved of.  If not, gently suggest they seek help from a Christian counselor.  Sometimes, the person with rejection issues isn't you, and it isn't someone accusing you, it's someone accusing someone else.  If someone is being made out to be the devil himself, beware.  The accuser is likely someone with rejection issues.

This subject is so important because if we don't recognize rejection issues for what they are, we can easily be misled.  Marriages, friendships, and even entire churches have been destroyed because of someone who is acting out their hurts from childhood.  But there is good that can come from recognizing the real problem.  God can meet the unmet needs even in adulthood.  Jesus knows exactly what it feels like to be rejected.  He understands!  He loves you and He approves of you.  He can heal the hurts even when it seems impossible.  Just ask Him.